A Murder Most Unusual
"We are gathered here today to join Geoffrey and Caroline." A minister spoke, adjusting his glasses as he looked back to his book. "Hey just cut to the vows man." Geoffrey spoke. He was a thin well dressed man, a member of the mob that ran Downy Island too. The girl he was marrying, Caroline was the daughter of a rich duck farmer, who made a fortune off the pillows he sold around the world. "Caroline when I look into your eyes all I see is beauty, I know we only met but a month ago but I just..just can't contain my joy." He paused, taking a moment. "You..you go my emotions are getting to me. He glanced at Caroline but she just stood their, tilting her head at him slightly. "Umm Caroline..your vows?" Caroline continued to stand there silently until finally, something was uttered. "Fuck, I did not plan to get this far." 'Caroline' muttered under her breath, granted her voice was much more manly than Geoffrey remembered. "Umm Caroline what was that." He asked, reaching his hand towards her veil. "Well I guess now is as good a time as any." Mort thought to himself as his head shot from the veil, his pincers grasping Geoffrey's neck and ripping his head from his body in one quick movement. He glanced at the mortified audience as people began to scream. He sighed as the head dropped from his jaws. "Here I go killing again." He exclaimed Ripping most of the dress off to reveal multiple knives strapped to his thighs. He reached down gripping them as he swung his hands outwards, tossing them cleanly through the heads of those who were trying to run. Next his centipede-like arms shout outwards, making a wide arc around the wedding goes. "Wiggly Arms: Kiss the Bride." He shouted as his many legs began blasting Hasshoken shockwaves at the guests slamming them all into one place in the middle as he moved the circle inwards. The closer his arms got the more the shockwaves slammed them into one another, bones began to snap as he finally encircled them all, a sickening crunch finishing them all off. "Wow that was a rush huh." Mort panted, turning to the minister before spitting on his face, the poison both burning and killing him. His arm shot into a nearby bush, grabbing a large tarp bag combination and began to run, shedding the rest of the dress to reveal a normal suit. "Man I really shout have just set the place on fire." He mused. ---- The siblings Haru and Miyako had arrived on the island in a small boat a few hours earlier, more out of luck than any navigational skill, and the boat had too many holes in it to risk sailing to another island. Luckily, the island seemed inhabited, and there was a village close to where they landed. “Excuse me Mr” Said Haru, approaching a late middle-aged man doing some laundry. “Have you seen someone that looks vaguely like this?” He asked. Miyako held up a drawing of the figure who attacked them three years ago. The man looked at it, and shook his head, turning back to continue with his laundry. “Well, do you know a good place to get food… And a new boat?” Haru asked. Without looking away from his laundry, the man pointed over his shoulder towards a forest. “There’s a bigger town on the other side of the island.” Haru bowed to the man “Thank you for the help.” He said with a smile. He noticed Miyako wasn’t bowing and made her bow by pressing his arm to the back of her head. “What’s a young farmer like you need a boat for?” Asked the man. Haru laughed it off but quietly questioned why everyone thought he was a farmer. As they left, the man eyed the swords at Haru’s hilt, shook his head sadly, and went back to his laundry. Several hours later, the siblings were walking through the woods, they preferred to travel at night, fewer people around, and no sunlight to bother Miyako. Haru noticed Miyako had been quiet lately. “Getting hungry? I’m certain there must be an animal or two around here no one would miss.” Miyako was silent for a little longer before talking. “I can… Go another hour maybe?”. A sad expression crossed Haru’s eyes, but he was careful not to let Miyako see it. He resorted to his usual means of helping Miyako stave off her hunger. “What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?... Attire!” There was no response. “Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they are shellfish!” At this joke, Miyako reacted. “ha… haha… Hahaha! Your… jokes are so dumb…” Haru turned around and gave his best smile. Miyako was all he had left. They’d find the man who infected her, get him to turn her back to normal and then… then he wasn’t sure. “Let’s go find something to eat.” Around twenty minutes later, the siblings emerged out of the forest. Before them was a church of some sorts. Without warning, some sort of insect creature burst out of the building, Haru vaguely saw a number of mutilated bodies in the church, and quickly shoved his sister out the way, trying to stop her seeing the mass of blood. ‘Nononono, not now.’ He mentally exclaimed, unsure of how well Miyako would hold up exposed to so much fresh blood. As Mort dashed away from the crime scene he turned, noticing two kids staring at him from the brush. He paused, briefly stretching his long neck as he peered at them. He followed their gaze, noting that at least the boy had clearly seen some of the mess. "Oh heyyy kids..." He spoke stepping a bit closer. "You uh, might not wanna go near that church, mafia wedding got a little red I guess. Ha ha." He scratched the back of what one could only assume to be his neck. "You probably wanna turn around, the mafia can get pretty umm, angry at people who go snooping in their business." God he hoped they would just turn around and leave, maybe then it would be easier to stab them. "No No maybe they'll think it was the mafia and I escaped it yeah, yeah....." His train of thought paused a moment. "Shit why didn't I just tell them I got outta there. See this is why you failed that acting class on Shaking Spear Archipelago. This is why you're an assassin, yeah yeah we're fine." Miyako could smell the blood. All she saw was red. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Miyako almost sprinted into the church but using what little self-control she still had, redirected her bloodlust to the obvious culprit before them and leaped at Mort. Haru reacted quickly, grabbing Miyako by her leg mid-pounce. “Sis! Calm Down! We don’t know what happened!” This was bad. How was he going to sate her bloodlust now? "Gah geez what the hell." Mort yelled, jumping back as the boy pulled the girl back, her teeth snapping at him. "I-is she like feral or something?" Mort asked, looking quizzically at the two. "Cause if she has rabies or something that is a serious medical issue." "Something like that... Did you kill all those people?" Haru asked, struggling to withstrain his sister. "Also... What are you?" "Something like that?" Mort shuddered. "Keep her away from me man." He stepped back, rummaging in his coat to find a cross he had stolen, waving it at the girl comically. "Out demon, heh." He shouted, smirking as he put it away and stared at the kids. "Nah that wasn't me it was the mob as I said, I got outta there real quick." He rambled on. "I mean who the heck invites people to a mob wedding anyways, honestly. It's so disheartening to see love in such a pitiful state. At least the pasta is good though, mob wedding food is literally to die for." He began chuckling at his own joke. It was at that moment, Haru realized he'd found a kindred soul. "Might as well have an undertaker as priest!" Haru exclaimed. He realized that this strange insect person shared his love of jokes. There was no way someone who loved bad jokes could be a mass murderer. Haru decided to trust him. Meanwhile, Miyako, realizing her brother was being tricked, bit into a nearby root and struggled under her brother's grip. "Ha ha, you get me." Mort responded, pointing to the boy and nodding. "To be honest I think the undertaker was the dude serving the cake." He shrugged and glanced at the girl. "So uh you ever thought about treating these uhh, rabies of hers?" He extended his neck, looking at her from different angles. "I'm surprised she isn't dead, I mean being feral like this means you're kinda good as dead anywhere but here. Granted the medicine isn't the best either." "Well. It's not really a normal case... We tried medicine, but it didn't work. So... We are looking for the guy who bit her in search of a cure. Been traveling for three years now..." said Haru. Haru stepped on Miyako's back to free his arms, and reached into her pocket, pulling out the sketch from earlier. "You haven't happened to have seen this man, have you?" said Haru, displaying the picture of Helsing V. Alucard. "Oh geez did she get like giant rabies or..." Mort stopped as he stared at the picture. "Oh..oh yeah that guy. He's like a vampire they say, way above my pay grade. I ain't no vampire hunter, no sir. Just your average assa.." He quickly cut himself off. "Ass of an underworld wedding planner. I'm not real good at stopping the mobs from killing eachother but I get paid upfront so it's all good." Mort wiped what one could assume to be his brow. Haru's eyes widened. "You know who he is? What's his name?! Where is he?" Haru said, not noticing Mort's obvious trip of the tongue in his excitement. He paused for a moment before speaking again. "Sorry. You should probably get going if you want to avoid the Mob. It would probably also make it easier to get my sister under control." "Umm it's Dracula I think." Mort was blanking on the name. "No no wait Aculad maybe. Gonna be honest kid I can't remember." Mort sighed as he glanced back at the church. "Oh nah they ain't gonna follow me, they're all dead." Mort continued. "So she's like a mini vamp or something then, and the blood, oh wow." He said, realizing the current state of things. Haru's face lit up as he realized this strange man creature knew about the figure who caused them so much pain. "Thank you so much!" Haru said, bowing enthusiastically. "Well, we should probably get going, don't want Miyako biting you." Haru said, as he began trying to figure out how to get Miyako away from the church. It was at that moment that Miyako overpowered Haru. She leaped at Mort's throat, more akin to a wild animal than a person, prepared to rip his throat out. "Well that's not good." Mort sweat-dropped as he leaped back, bracing himself as the girl dashed straight towards him. Though her feral nature had its upsides, Mort hoped. As she leaped at him he would turn his hands out towards her and release a pulse of hasshoken, knocking her into the air. Then with her midair, his arms would extend up a good distance on either side of her. "Wiggly Arms: Beach Volleyball." He spoke as his hands began to release large, alternating pulses of hasshoken. It would knock Miyako back and forth between them without her ever touching him. Battering her while keeping her airborne, much like an intense game of volleyball. The first Hasshoken hit Miyako straight in the stomach, knocking her flying as planned. "Sis!" Haru exclaimed, jumping into action to catch her. The following bursts of Hassoken hit Haru, and something interesting happened. Haru was a master of carrying vibrations, and that's what the Hasshoken was if a bit different then he was used to. The explosive force of the combined Hasshoken flowed through him, almost blowing him apart. He moved the force throughout his body, more on instinct than conscious thought, focussing it finally into his fist, which collided with the ground. A moment later and his arm may have been blown off, but instead the channeled force from the Hasshoken entered the ground and erupted. During this process, Miyako regained her footing and prepared to attack Mort again. Haru, sprawled out on the ground, coughed lightly, unsure what had just happened. Mort watched in awe as the two kids were battered by his attack. The boy came out of it most unharmed to his surprise. "The hell kid?" Mort was visibly confused at the scenario, for now though the rabid girl was back up and after him. While the boy seemed able to shrug off Hasshoken, the girl seemed to be very susceptible to it though. "Please stop trying to eat me, you will literally ruin your enamel." Mort yelled as he back-stepped her lunge. He swiftly slammed his arm into the ground. "Wiggly Arms: Mole Hunter." He shouted as waves of hasshoken vibrated through the ground, causing it to crack and spread towards the girl before erupting, sending loads of earth, debris, and hopefully her into the air. He then drew knives from his belt and tossed them in a very scattered and unpredictable fashion, almost like he had no aim. Some headed for Miyako but it wouldn't be surprising if they missed. Miyako was sent flying along with the floor holding her footing, as the knives came flying randomly, she instinctively pulled what was left of the ground flying around her, and pulled it up, blocking the knives. Meanwhile, Haru pushed up from the ground, watching the fight. "You... You're awfully strong for a wedding planner... *cough*" He wheezed, still winded from the previous attack. Miyako landed back on the ground and flung the knife embedded rock back at Mort. As the knife flew at him Mort held his hand out, a small pulse of hasshoken neutralizing the force as he caught the knife in his hand. "Well I mean you need to be ready to fight if you're gonna work mafia weddings. It's a niche market where you gotta be ready to not die in gunfire when someone eats the last cannoli." He shouted back, further attempting to extend his lie as he fought them. Then as the two stared him down he prepared his next attack. With the knives scattered through the area he was ready. They were all steadily vibrating as he activated the true power of his knives. They began to vibrate at a different frequency they effected the area around them, producing a certain piercing sound. Those who heard it were paralyzed by the sound as it jostled them to their core. With it ringing from every direction they were surround by sources of the sound. Mort however was a centipede and lacked actual ears. Thus the sounds would not impede him in the slightest. With the two presumably paralyzed Mort drew another two knives holding them under his mouth as drops of liquid fell out, coating the blades. The venom of a centipede was normally only excruciatingly painful in humans with only rare cases of death. Mort however was massive and was placing around a whole centipedes worth of poison on each knife. "Welcome to my Wiggly World." He stated, tossing the knives at the two. Miyako was affected first, the excruciating noise driving her to her knees, and forcing her to plug her ears. Then Haru, who'd just got back to his feet almost lost his footing again as the noise peirced his ears. It struck him that sounds were just another form of vibration, and perhaps he could do something about it. However, before he could even think about a counterplan, it seemed the knives would hit the siblings. As the knives bared down on the siblings something seemed off. They shot by the two, missing them by a hair. Before they could even register what happen, Mort had appeared between the two of them he flicked a needle into the girl and she would immediately fall to the floor, out cold. As for the boy he was grasped in one of the massive wiggly arms of Mort. The sound ceased as Mort stared at the kid. "Listen up don't try to struggle ok. The legs are not digging into your skin but they will if you try that." He groaned, pointing to the girl with his other hand. "She is currently knocked out via a chemical I purchased in some black market store called Bullseye. It's advertised to knock em out for like 24 hours but stores are sometimes misleading ya know." He made a sort of chirping sound. "I'm gonna put you down and you're gonna take your sis and get off this island ASAP. We never met, and this was all some sorta bad dream from bloodlust or whatever. I REALLY do not want to kill children right now so I need you to listen to me okay." At that moment, Haru realized something. At their current level of power, the siblings stood no chance of defeating Dracula. But during his fight with Mort, Haru had glimpsed something. Mort's techniques, they were similar to Haru's own. Haru saw the path that he had long thought closed off to him, that path to strengthening his earth style. If he could learn these techniques, maybe, just maybe he'd be able to defeat Dracula. He swallowed nervously, he might regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't at least ask. "T-Teach me... Please teach me your techniques." "W-w-w-what!?" Mort was both stunned and visibly confused. "You want me to do teach you?" His eye twitched and his mouth hung open. "Now kid, listen why the hell would you want me to teach you. What would you even want me to teach you. I mea yeah I'm cool I know that." He sighed, placing the boy on the ground while still glaring at him. His arms ready in case he tried anything funny. Haru bowed full force on the ground, hard enough to give him a concussion. "Please! You're techniques! I need to defeat Alucard! And the only way to do that is to get better. You are stronger and funnier than me. Your techniques are similar to the teachings of my fighting style, and I feel learning them is the only way I can improve. Please! Teach me!" Haru pleaded. "Ahh geez don't hurt yourself kiddo." Mort scratched what one could presume to be the back of his neck. "What the hell kinda fighting style do you know that's like mine?" He extended a hand outwards and pointed at a tree. In seconds a shockwave sliced it in half, causing it to crash into the surrounding forest as it fell. "Mine does things like that. What does yours do?" "Um, well." Haru walked over to another tree and drew his swords. "Could you fire one of those off at my sword? That will help me demonstrate." "Aight have it your way." Mort shrugged letting out a small shockwave of hasshoken towards the boy. He didn't want to kill him should the boy's plan go wrong. Haru blocked the shockwave with one of his swords. "Like an earthquake, shake but don't break..." Haru mumbled. Miraculously, the wave stopped. At the same time, Haru's other sword started shaking. He swung the vibrating sword at a tree, and where the blade touched the tree, it exploded. "With the Earth style of Gogyō Shizora-ryū, you take physical blows, and turn them into vibrations which empower your own attacks." "Oh wow that sounds like what I do but lamer." Mort replied, glancing from the boy to the tree and back. "But this uhh Gogo Scissora-u sounds kinda neat. And since it's sounds like something I can already do I could probably teach you something, not to mention probably teach myself this thing." Mort paused a second, nodding vigorously. "Yeah this can probably work, long as you get her under control." He pointed a finger towards the girl. "By the way what are your names?" "L-lamer..." Haru said, looking dejectedly at the ground. "I mean great!" He said, suddenly snapping back to life. "I'm Sakai Haru, and my Sister is Sakai Miyako. I think if I move her away from the church she should become more manageable." "Yes lamer." Mort responded, completely missing the Haru's discomfort at the statement. "Alright lets get her away from the blood." He continued, gripping her with one of his arms as they walked away. ---- The three now sat far away from the church in a forest clearing. Mort was consuming a piece of wedding cake he'd produced from a bag while staring at Haru and Miyako. He'd tied Miyako to a tree just in case she was still cranky upon awakening. "Looks like she's waking up. It's only been like what an hour." He complained, noticing Miyako rousing from her sleep. "Stupid cheap chemical, not my fault I'm not shelling out a bunch of Beli for the fancy schmansy, lavender-scented, sleep chemicals." He quelled his annoyance by hastily devouring the rest of the cake, leaving bits of white frosting over his weird centipede face. "So do you two even have any other goals besides fighting this Alucard guy?" "I'd blame her rather than your chemicals. Also, instead of eating cake, you should eat donuts. They are the original hole food." Haru said as he spotted the opportunity to make the joke. "Honestly, we aren't sure what to do besides curing her. We aren't even sure what to do whilst we go after him. We kind of just drifted around looking for any leads." It was around then that Miyako woke to consciousness, like a drunk waking up to a hangover. "Wha happened?... Bro?" She asked groggily. "You smelt blood and lost it again sis. We had to move you away and tie you up." Haru explained. "Oh... That's right... I remember it smelled... just like... that nigh -GET AWAY FROM HIM HARU" Miyako shouted as she remembered what happened. "Sis, chill out. He wasn't the killer, he just planned the wedding. Plus he's agreed to help me improve my earth style." Haru further explained. "Idiot, why would a wedding planner be able to fight like that?!" Miyako exclaimed as she strained against the ropes. Haru crouched down to look at her eye level. "Sis... So what? Our goal is to beat Alucard. To do that we need to be able to fight him. This guy is a lot stronger than us, so we should take what we can from him. Otherwise, we will never be able to cure you. We need at least this much determination." Haru rose back to his feet. "Hey, I'm ready to learn now." "Why eat a doughnut when I have a cake right in front of me." Mort replied, narrowing his eyes in confusion. The joke clearly went over his head. "He was about to reply to Haru's other statement when Miyako awoke. "Hey brat I'll have you know that it's not easy planning mafia weddings. They always end in murder or betrayal or somebody getting made an offer they can't refuse. I'm just well equipped to not die so I can plan more of em." He shrugged and stared at the two. "If you're trying to fight Alucard you gotta get your bloodlust under control. He could like stab a guy and boom, it's just Haru fighting him." He stood too look at Haru, motioning for him to follow. He turned back to give Miyako one more word of advice. "I'd keep in mind that as you are now, you're a liability." With his piece said Mort turned to face Haru. "Alright kid listen up. Your weird earth sword style seems like an offshoot of Hasshoken to me. Hasshoken is what I use, it's a martial art from the Kano Country. Your entire style is basically one technique to me. It's kinda weird to me, ah geez." He sighed, lifting up a small rock from the ground. "So what you seem to do is like transfer the vibrations of a hit through your body from one place to another. But Earth seems like well, a defensive style cause ya know. Earth it's like buff and defensive in name." He held up the rock like a shield, looking like an idiot in the process. "So basically you need someone to hit you to perform the technique I'm assuming. Unlike you, I don't. I can just swing my hand and make a shockwave. basically what I'm trying to get at is that your use is really dumb and limited. So watch this." He opened his palm and glanced at Haru before placing the rock in it. The rock sat there for a moment before it began to slowly but surely float. "All I'm doing is emitting small and controlled vibrations from my hand to make it float. Too much force it goes flying, too little it does nothing. Too little control and it'll go sideways and fall on the ground. I want you to make this rock float in your hand. I honestly don't know what to say to help you otherwise. Umm keep your shoulders squared and your knees bend I guess, maybe try and like reverse your earth style or whatever." Mort concluded his mock lesson, completely and blindly assured that he could now be a teacher if he wanted to. "Well, I only had time to learn the basics. Most of my training was just preparing my body for the core technique, haha." He said when Mort told him his style was more of a single technique. 'So... he can make vibrations with just the muscles in his hand... I take vibrations from hits and just repurpose them. Why couldn't I make my own vibrations? I'm not sure I'm strong enough to quite do what he's doing... But if I take every vibration in my body, and focus it into the rock...' Haru focussed throughout his body, feeling the various vibrations of his muscles as they expanded and contracted. 'It's a lot easier to do whilst moving...' He focussed on the strongest vibrations in his body, coming from his heart. "Huuuuuuuuh... Ha!" The rock jumped about two centimeters into the air, before falling back down and jumping up again. Haru just couldn't seem to keep it afloat. "I may need a little while..." He finally said. "Yeah took me a little too, granted it was for the important stuff. I did this on like the 1st try or something." Mort spoke lazily, picking up handful of rocks. He held his open palms out as the rocks began to hop from hand to hand. It was like he was juggling without movement. "It eventually just comes naturally." He continued. "So give it another try or something you'll get it to click at some point."